HOME INTEGRATION

We tech people are diverse by nature and background. But we are not worth as much on our own as we are together. Hence, every year, we assemble at Integrate to network, share ideas, and talk turkey. Sometimes, we even make the pretence of prodding products (that we already know all about because we did our online research before attending, no?).

Coming together every year has become a tradition for many in our industry. That is, if you (or your company) can afford the time and expense to attend. Is it worth it? Well, that’s your call – it’s pretty hard to quantify exactly what return you get from this investment in time and effort. Personally, I’ve always found the networking alone to be worthy, but did I ever ink a sale on the show floor? Once, yes, I got an in on a freelance job. Unfortunately, this was just before the whole world shuttered up, so that alliance didn’t last long. Otherwise, most of the benefits have panned out longer term, through building on established connections and making new relationships with previous, current and future workmates.

Keynote speakers and tech talks are often worth attending. Check out the schedule – if you see more than one or two of interest, the ticket price will provide good value. Getting your company to pay for these might be tricky. Again, they will be deciding on the ROI. If they say no, yet you choose to invest your own hard-earned, so be it. Much of this can already be gleaned online but rarely as concise. Further, Q&A sessions let you drill into any details that may not be immediately clear elsewhere.

Amalgamation with Security Expo offers a wealth of opportunities to check out a closely aligned industry and companies. Who knows what prospects await you there? More than once, I’ve wandered into trade shows other than the one I was directly attending and found products, companies and contacts that I would not have otherwise known about. Be curious and open to possibilities.

Yet again, my broken body forbids my attendance in person. But my heart and mind will be there with you, gawking at all the cool electronica, hanging with old colleagues and friends, integrating products with people.

Like most of the last 6-7 years, I will instead be working from home, sitting at the keyboard in my study, which becomes my office when I have income to produce. I have become proficient at delineating (in my own head) when I am working and when I am not. However, this demarcation is not so easily obvious to anyone else. I also use the study for relaxation and recreation. I know when I am watching YouTube, reading the news or playing games, but this is not so apparent to others, who may assume that is all I do in there.

It has already taken several years to educate my partner Dana about the nature of WFH. She understands it as an abstract concept but the reality of a home environment morphing with a corporate office has been fraught in its implementation. Like in many homes, pandemic lockdowns provided a few flashpoints between us, trying to get the balance right. I’m ok with 100dB EDM pulsing through the house – just not when I am trying to concentrate on writing, editing or interviewing. Noise cancelling headphones only block out so much. Even with acoustic insulation in the study walls.

We had finally found an acceptance of each other’s needs around this but recently have another spanner in the works. Having lost both our fathers to the ravages of time and disease, our mothers now represent the last link to that generation. Mine has lived alone for decades and is most comfortable that way but until the unfortunate demise of Dana’s father, her mother Rae has only known 60 years of married life in a suburban house.

Over the last year or two, it had become obvious that her solo widowhood was becoming unsustainable. The old dear was missing (crucial, medical) appointments, forgetting to eat and becoming a worry for her kids, who are now spread far and wide. Several family conferences came up with the idea that we could forestall any nursing home plans by doing a tour of the children’s homes. We are all comfortably established where we are, but the physical distances are great. Brunswick is closest to the family home of Glen Waverley but the rest of them are spread between Gippsland, Strathbogie Ranges and Dunedin, NZ. None very easy for day visits.

We are the first stop on this tour de Ma. The ‘kids’ (now between 50 and 60 years of age!) all pitched in to help convert Dana’s study into a comfortable home within a home for Rae.

Dana moved her own office and (considerable) sewing setup into our bedroom. Fortunately, it is a space large enough to accommodate multiple uses. The house itself can also easily fit many people physically. But it is the day-to-day integration that has proven most challenging. So far, there have been more than a few moments of frustration and a lot of miscommunications, mostly compounded by unused or misplaced hearing aids. Here is one case where proper device integration would be a godsend!

There are also cultural conflicts. We have all become creatures of habit and having those routines disrupted is awkward at best.

We’ve experienced – scrapping for the last banana … letting each other know where we are at for the day … organising eating and cleaning patterns … working out how much perfume is too much … adapting to the limitations of an off-grid existence … being located 30 minutes’ drive to the closest country town (that completely shuts up shop at 12.30pm on weekends) … foregoing takeaway meals … dinner at the table instead of in front of the TV – all challenges for a new dynamic.

I was not prepared for how difficult it has been to put this move into daily operation. We’ve long known that Rae is a bit of a nutter, but living with that day in day out has taken a new level of persistence. Even more so as her grasp on reality becomes more tenuous.

I said yes to all of this because I know that it is the right thing to do. One of my greatest fears is being stuck in the banalities and mundanities of nursing home life and I do not wish to inflict this on anyone else, particularly family. But that has not made the diurnal realities of this new arrangement any easier to contend with.

While you are wearing out your shoes at the annual bazaar, I will continue the trial of integrating an 84-year-old mother-in-law into my once cloistered home. More than ever, I truly wish I were there with you all this year…